


White Knuckles and Roaring Rivers

by nctinee



Series: Erlebnisse [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst?? Idk probably, Anxiety, Beware of tags plz, Depression, Get the tissue boxes boys and girls, Hyuck adores Mark, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I can't write dialogue but I tried, I hate this but I will not be satisfied if I don't write it, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It's 3am and I'm v tired plz like it, Mark adores Hyuck, POV Mark Lee (NCT), Slice of Life, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, but it's not reeeeeeally, i call Donghyuck Duck quite a lot cuz it's cute, i just want you to get the jist of what's going down with Donghyuck, they're besties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-08 09:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19867069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nctinee/pseuds/nctinee
Summary: Donghyuck is on the edge, afraid no one will catch him if he falls.But Mark is always there, ready with open arms.





	White Knuckles and Roaring Rivers

**Author's Note:**

> Please beware of tags, and know that I don't really know what I'm writing about(which that's dumb on my part, I honestly have NO clue what being physically abused is like, and I probably make it look like some fantasized version, which I am SO sorry) but I need this here for plot,(*gasp* there's plot?!) so yeah. Just remember that life is worth living, and there will always be someone there for you. Stay happy y'all:)

Mark is standing a few feet behind Donghyuck, who is gripping so hard onto the barrier between the sidewalk and the ledge, that his knuckles are turning white. He’s got his head tilted down, probably looking at the rushing water below him. Mark wants to reach out and pull him back to safety, but knows he’d only freak Donghyuck out more.

He doesn’t know how to talk someone off of a ledge, let alone someone he knew. This was Donghyuck, his best friend of 11 years, toeing --  _ literally _ \-- on the edge of life and death. He couldn’t say the wrong thing, because one wrong move and Donghyuck hits the water, no reset and no rewind. Mark can feel every bone in his body shaking, but he takes a deep breath and calls out to the boy who is too deep in his own head.

“Duck? Please move away from the ledge. Come over here on the sidewalk and let me take you back to my house, where we can talk this out, please?”

“You should be at school, Mark. Kaligan has a test today and you’re gonna miss it,” Donghyuck replies, completely emotionless. 

“No, Duck, I’m not leaving here until I know you’re okay. I don’t care about some stupid test, I care about  _ you _ . So can you please move away and come over here?”

“No, I’m done Mark. I’m done with it all. It’s so  _ loud _ , all I can hear are the damn voices telling me I’m not good enough. I look too fat and I’m too stupid. I’m never gonna go anywhere in life. They’re,” his shoulders jerk, “they’re  _ screaming  _ at me and I can’t get them to stop. I want it to stop so  _ bad  _ Mark, but they won’t. So I’m gonna get them to stop.” His voice is wobbling now, and Mark can tell he’s battling himself, has been for a while. 

Mark takes a step closer.

“I can help you get the voices to stop Duck. I know so many people that’ll help too. You just have to move away, and let us in. You have to tell us what’s wrong. Please Duck,  _ please _ ,”

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, and doesn’t turn around, but his grip loosens. Mark is afraid, so  _ so  _ afraid, but he has to keep it together for Donghyuck. Has to keep it together if he wants Donghyuck on his side of the barrier, safe and in his arms again. 

Mark takes another step.

“Duck I know life is shit, and I know you’ve gone through some of the worst things a person can go through, but this isn’t the answer okay? There’s hurt, and there’s pain, but there’s  _ good  _ too. Us, all of our friends, performing, pranks we could pull, our graduation, the rest of our  _ lives _ , Duck. There’s so much to look forward to and I want you there with me. I want you there because I  _ love you _ , Duck. And I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Mark practically shouted, fists gripping into his hoodie, desperately holding onto the cloth, trying to keep his river of emotions at bay.

“You don’t get it Mark, you don’t. It-It’s so  _ hard _ ,” Donghyuck murmured, “There’s so much  _ pain _ , and ...and  _ hate _ . I can’t  _ take it anymore _ ! No one cares. My parents said so, remember? ‘You worthless piece of shit-’” He was sobbing now, hunched over and gasping, the ache falling out of his body in his tears and in his words. Mark knew every word Donghyck was reciting, because he was there. Sitting on the porch swing gaping at the words Donghyuck's parents screamed at him after dinner. He and Donghyuck had plans to go out and watch a movie, but Mark didn’t see Donghyuck for a few days after that-”’You do nothing but mope around the house, crying and whining about how  _ horrible _ you have it. Well guess what? At least you have a home, and clothes on your back. You have food on the table, and you go to school. You have two parents who aren’t dead and don’t beat you, so stop being a little bitch and get the fuck out of my face. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night, understand me?”

Another step.

“I know what they said Duck I know, but I can get you out of there. You can live with me and my parents, you’d never have to see that sorry excuse of a man again. They don’t care Duck, you’re right, but I do. I have never cared so much in my entire life. You’re beautiful Duckie, so beautiful and caring. You have so much love in you, and so much happiness. You’ve done so much Duckie, you’ve made me a happier person, helped me get control of my anxiety, helped me come out to my family. You’ve done so much Duckie, and you can go so far, but you just have to climb over the barrier. I’m right here, and I’m  _ never _ gonna leave you,”

“You don’t know that!” Donghyuck turns, and he’s a mess. Hair windswept and dirty, face hollower than usual with snot and tears running down in different tracks, clothes creased and hanging off his frame. But his eyes, his eyes are the worst. Maybe it’s because Mark’s known the boy in front of him for 11 years, but Mark can read them pretty well. Some parts are cloudy, but Mark can see that he’s angry and sad. Angry at the world and how he’s been treated, and sad because of all he’s gone through. Bullied by his parents and being put down by the voices of all the insecurities and depression has torn up the boy in front of Mark, and he looks so  _ tired _ . It overpowers the sadness and the anger, all three reducing Donghyuck into a shell, bringing him to this ledge.

“You don’t know that you’re gonna stay by me Mark. I’m a screw up and a freak. I can’t do anything right, can’t please my parents, can’t pass school. There’s no point! Everyone’ll get tired of me and leave. They all do! So why stay around longer?  _ Why _ go through all this pain when I can just end it and finally rest? I just want to rest Mark, I just want to  _ rest _ ,” He ends in a sob, legs giving out from under him, bringing him down. Mark runs the last few steps, grabbing under Donghyuck’s arms and carrying him over the barrier. He feels like a bag of feathers in Mark’s arms, and that’s what scares him the most. He set’s Donghyuck down and kneels in front of him, holding his hands. 

“I know, Duck. I know. You can rest, but you gotta promise me you’ll stay alive. You can rest but you gotta get back up and fight it.” Letting go of his hands, Mark moved and touched the sides of Donghyuck’s head, bringing their foreheads together, touches featherlight. “I believe in you Duck, I know you can get through this. And I’ll be with you through every step. I’m never gonna leave you, so you better get used to seeing me around,”

It was silent after that, Donghyuck sobbing in Mark’s arms and Mark offering any form of comfort he could, quietly crying for his friend. Someone had pulled over a while later, making sure the boys were okay, and giving Donghyuck a bottle of water. They had called an ambulance and waited to make sure they were okay while waiting. Donghyuck had fallen asleep halfway through answering questions, and both Mark and the stranger felt bad about waking him up, so he slept.

Mark was also pretty tired, the stress of school and the obvious situation a while back had tired him out, but he made a promise to himself and to Donghyuck that he would take care of and support him, no matter the circumstance. So Mark was going to find a way to get Donghyuck out of his family situation, help tutor him, and help him through the therapy he would definitely need, because he was his best friend. And they would do anything for each other.

**Author's Note:**

> "When the ambulance did arrive, Donghyuck and Mark were both asleep, curled into each other."
> 
> UPDATE so I figured out how to italicize and wow it looks so much better. Not the quality, definitely not, but the emotion. Honestly I hate this and will probably delete it or never look at it again, but again, it's for plot and is very important to the Markhyuck and ot21 friendgroup dynamic, so it has to be done.
> 
> In the wise old words of my grandma, "Smile :)" and that always made me feel better, so I hope it does for you. Stay happy y'all, and I hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
